


Sunrise over the Frigid

by toocleverfox



Category: King of Scars - Leigh Bardugo, Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/F, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, give kuwei a tidemaker boyfriend challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 21:06:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18724999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toocleverfox/pseuds/toocleverfox
Summary: “I think I like someone!” She blurted out.Kuwei leaned back as Nina blushed bright red.“Okay…” Kuwei said slowly, frowning at her. “Um, so what’s the problem? What happened to that suave Nina I know and love?”“This is different. I feel…” She searched her head for a word. “Weird,” she settled on.“Why?”“It’s… It’s just that every time this person does something cute or makes me smile I get happy but then I get angry at myself,” Nina sighed. “I feel like…”“Like what?” Kuwei asked, resting a hand on Nina’s knee and smiling supportively.She looked away. She could feel herself on the brink of tears. “I feel like I’m betraying Matthias.”Set after the events of King of Scars as Nina learns to heal and love again.





	Sunrise over the Frigid

**Author's Note:**

> Major spoilers for Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom and King of Scars!

_“Death is a wall but it can't be the end_

_You are my protector and my best friend_

_Well they say that you're gone and that I should move on_

_I wonder: How do they know, baby?_

_How do they know?”_

\- In the Wind by Lord Huron

 

Surprisingly, there were rooms in the Little Palace dedicated to activities other than summoning or lessons about summoning. There was a common room where young Grisha would often meet up with their friends, or simply pass out on one of the velvet couches from exhaustion as other Grisha laughed at their expense. There was also a bathing room and, to Nina’s delight when she had discovered it years ago, a small kitchen for the students to fix themselves meals if they wanted to. It wasn’t common for Grisha at the Little Palace to cook their own food so, fortunately, the kitchen was often empty.  

Nina sat on the kitchen countertop, watching Hanne bake, her hair now down to her shoulders. It had been a few months since Nina and Hanne had left Fjerda and returned to Ravka. Nina had assumed it would have been difficult to sway Hanne into coming back to Ravka with her, but that had changed when Jarl Brum had discovered his daughter’s secret.

After a confrontation, when he had realized who Nina really was, Brum had raised a gun to Nina’s head. Before Nina could call on her power, he had suddenly dropped to the forest floor, gripping his chest. Nina had looked over and found Hanne staring her father down.

“ _You_ ,” he had seethed when he’d seen Hanne poised over him, arms raised. “My own _daughter_ ,” he’d gasped out.

Hanne had looked away, her eyes overlooking the snow covered landscape, as if she was searching for something in the distance. “I am Healer and I am going to help people.”

“No. You will only bring them ruin. You’re a _demjin_ ,” he had spat out.

Hanne had looked back down at her father then, face emotionless. “Then what does that make you?” She had asked.

Nina had recognized it then; that same fierce determination Matthias had held deep inside. Like Matthias, Hanne had a fire in her soul that had been smothered by the cold words of people like her father. But Nina was red, red like a spark and she would gladly help ignite the embers in Hanne. If she had helped a _Drüskelle_ soldier, maybe she could help a _Drüskelle_ commander’s daughter. Nina desperately wished she had the power to change a nation’s mindset. Change their bigotry into love. But that was childish and if all Nina could do was aid a few people, then so be it.

Jarl Brum’s solemn face had turned murderous and Hanne had looked away again. Nina’d had her eyes still trained on Hanne and in that moment Brum had lunged for the gun. Before either of the girls could react, he had turned it towards Hanne and pulled the trigger.

They had stumbled out of the forest that evening, leaning against each other. Nina had walked away with another dead man behind her. Hanne had walked away with more than just a wound in her shoulder.

That night Hanne had not cried. They had stumbled into an abandoned barn, afraid that Hanne’s condition would create alarm if they paid for a room in some Fjerdan village. Nina had tended to Hanne’s shoulder before venturing out to find some wood for a fire. When she had returned, Hanne had been sitting silently on a hay bale next a dusty window, curled in on herself. Her head had been pressed against the glass as she cradled her wounded arm. Her face had been somber as Nina watched helplessly. She’d tended to the fire in silence before walking over and handing Hanne some food. Hanne had taken it, quietly mumbling her thanks. Nina had sat down next to her, their shoulders touching as they’d watched the last rays of light fade outside.

Finally, after what had felt like hours, Hanne had leaned into Nina’s side.

“It’s stupid,” Hanne had whispered, her head against Nina’s shoulder. “I know he was evil and a bigot and, and cruel, but…” She had trailed off. Nina had wrapped an arm around Hanne’s back, waiting for her to continue. Eventually, Hanne had softly asked, “Do you think he ever truly loved me?”

Nina hadn’t known what to say. In that moment she had immediately wished Matthias was there to could comfort Hanne. He had known what it was like to be betrayed and deceived by someone you looked up to. Nina knew she was lucky, that all the people she loved, loved her back just as fiercely. She hadn’t known what to say to someone who had been hurt by someone they admired, but she did know what it was like to lose someone.

Nina had hesitated before she spoke. “I think he loved the parts of you he wanted to see in a _Drüskelle’s_ daughter,” she’d said. “He didn’t love the wild side of you, the Grisha side of you. He never truly loved _all_ of you.”

Hanne had sucked in a wet breath. “I _know_ that… So why do I still love him anyway?”

“Because he was still your father,” Nina had said. “Sometimes the people that are supposed to love and be there for us no matter what, don’t. He was your father, yes, but he was also a soldier, doing what he thought was best for his country. Sometimes people just can’t change...” Nina had trailed off. She had thought of Matthias again, who had broken free of the hatred he was taught. But Nina knew not everyone was like Matthias and she had to accept that.

Hanne hadn’t responded, eyes still glued to the darkness outside.

“Come here,” Nina had mumbled, guiding Hanne’s back against her chest. The girl had sighed shakily and closed her eyes. “You have such a good heart, Hanne. You’re going to help so many people. You already have. Ravka is filled with people who know what it’s like to lose loved ones due to something they can’t help but be,” Nina had continued. “You’ll meet so many people who will do everything to protect you. You already have one right beside you.”

Nina had looked down at Hanne where she was leaning against her chest and had watched as her lips quirked up in a small smile. Her face had dropped quickly when Hanne had remembered her mother. She had told Nina that she wanted to see her one last time, but she also couldn’t face seeing disgust painted on her mother’s features due to her powers.

“But if you do come with me to Ravka,” Nina had explained. “You may never have this chance again. She’s still your mother. It wouldn’t hurt to try.”

“I’m scared that if I do go back, I won’t have the strength to leave again,” Hanne had confessed.

Nina had nodded at that and pulled Hanne closer. They had stayed like that for the rest of the night, Hanne eventually falling asleep in Nina’s arms.

They had woken early that morning, before there was any trace of a sun, and quickly made their way to Hanne’s house. Nina had wanted to go inside with Hanne in case word had already spread of Jarl Brum’s disappearance, but she had refused.

“I need to do this on my own,” she had fought. “ _Please_.”

Nina had relented and nodded as she watched her disappear into the cottage. She had waited out there for over half an hour, afraid that something had happened to her, but also aware she could handle herself, when Hanne had finally emerged from the house.

She’d had tear stains on her cheeks and her eyes had been red and puffy. She had slumped into Nina’s chest and she had held her tightly as she let out quiet sobs.

“Come on,” Nina had whispered, pulling her away from the house. “Let’s go.”

After that day, Nina and Hanne had slowly made their way back to Ravka, careful of any _Drüskelle_ who might have been searching for Jarl Brum’s killer. They hadn’t spoken much, only to discuss where they would camp for the night or how much food and water they had left. Nina hadn’t wanted to prod Hanne about what her mother had said, aware of all the cruels words that had been thrown at her due to her own powers. If Hanne didn’t feel comfortable talking about it, then Nina wouldn’t bring it up.

One day when the sun was burning their backs and they could only see flat terrain for miles and miles, Hanne had quietly asked Nina to tell her about Ravka. Grateful that Hanne felt well enough to speak again, Nina had told her all the stories she could recall.

She had told her about the Grand Palace, with its gold windows and its large, vibrant fountain out front and the Little Palace, her home, that had a beautiful library and dozens of rooms to practice summoning. But more importantly, Nina had described the people there; how everyone looked out for each other and how most nights were used to goof off with friends and relax, because they really were just kids after all. She had told her how Zoya Nazyalensky used to teach a few Squallers how to use their powers to listen in on conversations and how one time a couple had accidently been walked in on by King Nikolai Lantsov himself, who had blushed bright red before closing the door and continuing on his way. A letter from the king had been sent out the next day, reminding the students not to engage in such activities on school grounds, especially in places without locks. That had been the topic for almost two weeks, everyone trying to guess who the couple was. She had also told Hanne how Kuwei Yul-Bo had set a classroom on fire, to which a peer of his, a Tidemaker, had quickly doused the classroom out with water from the nearby lake. The students had left the classroom wet and irritated, while Kuwei and the Tidemaker had left as friends, later becoming boyfriends.

Hanne had chuckled quietly to herself when Nina’d finished that story. Nina had grinned and counted it as a win.

After a few long weeks they had finally reached Ravka, Nina brightening when they had crossed the border. Hanne, on the other hand, had become even more anxious, frantically shooting glances at any that moved as they made their way to the capital. Nina’d had to assure her that she was safe now, at least as safe as one could get as Grisha in this world.

Genya Safin had come quickly when Nina had informed the guards outside Os Alta of her identification. Genya had ushered Nina and Hanne into the Grand Palace, leaving Hanne outside King Nikolai’s war room as she dragged Nina inside. She had quickly given the king all the information she had uncovered, including names of Grisha still in Fjerda that she felt could help their cause. The king had thanked her, though his mind seemed far away. Nina had bowed hurriedly and turned to leave, wanting to help Hanne settle in. Before she could run off, Genya had pulled her back into the room and tailored her back to normal, all while the king sat a few feet away at his desk, sorting through papers. Nina had almost forgotten she had been tailored, used to the light hair and eyes that were common in Fjerda. When Genya had finished she’d doted over Nina, making sure she was okay. Nina had ducked out of the way of Genya’s hands, insisting she was fine and that she wanted to go help Hanne settle in.

“For Saints sake, Genya,” King Nikolai had laughed as he watched them. “Let the poor girl go.”

Genya had grumbled and reluctantly let her scurry out, not before Nina thanked the king, a blush still high on her cheeks from him seeing her being fretted over by one of his Triumvirates. He had winked at her as she closed the door, a warm light in his eyes.

Nina had looked around the hallway and spotted Hanne looking out of the large windows. When Hanne’d heard the door open she had swiveled around. “That took longer than… I…” Hanne had trailed off, eyes widening at the sight of Nina’s true appearance.

“Surprise?” Nina had smiled sheepishly. She was afraid that Hanne would be upset that Nina had kept another secret from her, that this was the thing that would break their trust. Nina had begun to explain herself as Hanne walked closer to her. “I had to be tailored by Genya before I left for Fjerda, the risk of someone recognizing me was too great and I-”

“Nina,” Hanne had breathed, cutting her off as she had cupped Nina’s chin in her hands. “Oh, you’re beautiful.”

Blushing, Nina had closed her eyes, tilting her cheek into Hanne’s hand. “Thank you,” she’d said, looking back up at Hanne and batting her eyelashes. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

Hanne had laughed softly and pulled away, lightly hitting Nina on the shoulder and asking her to show her around. Nina’d beamed and had enthusiastically dragged her through the grounds of the capital, first showing Hanne to her bedroom, then the dining hall and the summoning rooms. She’d introduced her to Kuwei Yul-Bo and, after Hanne had eagerly asked about the classroom fire incident,  they had quickly become friends. Nina’d had a feeling they would get along. A lot of Grisha had suffered under their country’s hands and Hanne and Kuwei were no different. At last, after only a few weeks living in the Little Palace, Hanne had slowly begun to show her old self.

Nina and Hanne had eventually ended up staying in a room together, as they were both used to those empty Fjerdan nights, wrapped around the other, tensing at any noise they heard. When Hanne would whimper in her sleep, Nina would quietly slip into the adjacent bed, curling her body around Hanne. And Hanne would do the same when Nina cried out, fighting ghosts she couldn’t see. They would wake in the morning with their bodies entwined and demons far away in the warm, morning light. Hanne still had her bad days, as did Nina, but they were steadily healing, in their own ways.

“There,” Hanne declared, bringing Nina back to the present. She was smiling as she set the tin in the oven. “Now we wait for it to bake.”

Nina sat on the countertop, swinging her legs as she watched Hanne. Her tongue was peeking out of the corner of her full lips as she closed the oven door. She looked up at Nina, her eyes bright and a bit of flour smudged across her cheek. She had missed this carefree side of Hanne that she’d lost when her parents had decided their bigotry was greater than their love for their daughter.

Nina resisted the urge to wipe the flour on Hanne’s cheek and looked down at the oven. “I can’t wait,” Nina groaned, stretching her legs out in front of her as she leaned back on the counter. “I bet it’s going to be amazing.”

Hanne smiled even wider and stood straighter. “You think?” she asked.

“I _know_ ,” Nina said as she came closer and tapped Hanne’s nose.

She laughed and knocked Nina’s hand away, a blush rising on her cheeks. Nina felt her stomach flutter as she listened to Hanne’s laugh. Suddenly, Nina felt something in her twist and tighten, a cold, sinking feeling. She swallowed thickly and looked away.

“How long until it’s done?” Nina asked after clearing her throat.

Hanne’s smile slipped off her face and she frowned. “Um, about an hour. Why?” She asked, tilting her head slightly. She was staring at Nina intently, eyes searching. “You okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine, but…” Nina felt her throat tighten under her scrutiny. “I…” Nina paused. Why was she so tongue tied all of a sudden? She’d wormed her way into the _Ice Court_! So why did her mouth feel glued shut now? She cleared her throat again. “I just remembered that Kuwei needed to speak with me.”

“Oh,” Hanne said, glancing down at her hand, absently wiping a bit of flour there. “Will you be done soon? I mean, like, will you be back by the time the cake’s done?” She asked, still not looking at Nina.

“Yeah,” Nina said. “I won’t be long,” she said, forcing herself to smile as she slid off the counter and walked backwards towards the door. “I’ll just,” she trailed off, pointing to the door.

“Right, yeah,” Hanne responded, looking up and smiling weakly. “I’ll just… be here.”

“Right, yeah,” Nina mumbled, then mentally smacked herself for repeating what Hanne had just said.

Hanne looked away again and Nina took that as her cue to leave. She casually walked out of the kitchen before sprinting away when she was no longer in Hanne’s sights. She ran through the grounds of the Little Palace, absently saying hello to familiar faces as she searched for Kuwei. Finally, she spotted him making his way down the hall towards her.

“Kuwei!” She yelled and then smiled as he looked over and waved. She made her way over to him and knocked his shoulder with hers. “Hey, how are you?” She asked as she caught her breath.

Kuwei moved his books to his other arm and squinted up at her. “What’s wrong?”

Nina startled. “What? Nothing’s wrong! Why would you ask that?”

“First of all, you clearly just ran all the way over here for me,” he said, lifting one finger and then lifting another as he continued. “Secondly, you look kind of freaked out and thirdly, you never ask about my wellbeing,” he pointed out.

Nina frowned at the last point. “Wait, really? I never ask how you are?”

Kuwei shook his head and shrugged as they continued walking down the large hallway, weaving in and out of the students making their way to class.

“Huh, maybe I should change that. Now I feel like a bad friend,” she pouted, dodging a student barreling down the hall.

Kuwei rolled his eyes good naturedly. “It’s fine, Nina, really. I was messing with you. We hang out every day, it’s not like much has changed since you last saw me,” he said. They exited the hall and turned right, walking down another hallway that lead outdoors. Kuwei pointed outside of the grand windows to the tables scattered by the lake. “Let’s head over there,” he suggested.

They made their way over and settled down at one of the tables and silently watched a few Grisha playing with their friends. A Squaller was laughing and lifting her friend off the ground, twirling him around. The boy shrieked in delight before a teacher ran out and scolded the girl, telling her she needed to be careful using her powers on others. Nina restlessly tapped her finger against her thigh as she watched the interaction, remembering all the things she used to do with her old friends when she was that age.

Kuwei leaned over and looked at her face. He put his hand over Nina’s to stop her tapping.

“Okay, something’s bothering you. What is it?” He asked, concern written on his face.

Nina hesitated, her words almost spilling out before she shoved them back down. “No, nevermind. Now that I think about it, it’s stupid,” she sighed, standing up. “I don’t want to bother you.”

“Nina,” Kuwei laughed, lightly gripping her wrist so she couldn’t leave. “You broke me out of the Ice Court and helped me escape to Ravka! You’re one of the bravest, smartest people I know. Let me help you for once,” he insisted.

She searched his face and found he was genuine, his eyes warm and his mouth curled up in a small, inviting smile. Sometimes it was hard to figure out Kuwei’s real emotions; she had seen firsthand how sneaky he could be back in Ketterdam. But she knew he’d done that to stay safe, to stay alive. She guessed he was slowly breaking out of that shell, the one that had been ingrained in him from Shu Han, the place where he’d had to lie about his powers, about who he truly was, and then again in Fjerda, right after losing his father. Nina knew it was a hard thing to unlearn, to finally let your guard down. She grumbled and sat back down, her head in her hands.

“Sorry, did you say something?” Kuwei asked, tilting his head closer.

Nina grumbled again.

“What?”

“I think I like someone!” She blurted out.

Kuwei leaned back as Nina blushed bright red.

“Okay…” Kuwei said slowly, frowning at her. “Um, so what’s the problem? What happened to that suave Nina I know and love?”

“This is different. I feel…” She searched her head for a word. “Weird,” she settled on.

“Why?”

“It’s… It’s just that every time this person does something cute or makes me smile I get happy but then I get angry at myself,” Nina sighed. “I feel like…”

“Like what?” Kuwei asked, resting a hand on Nina’s knee and smiling supportively.

She looked away. She could feel herself on the brink of tears. “I feel like I’m betraying Matthias,” she whispered. When she said his name she felt a tear spill over onto her cheek and she wiped it away quickly.

“Oh, oh, _Nina_ ,” Kuwei gasped, pulling Nina into a hug. He held her tightly as she cried quietly into his shoulder. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Nina pulled away. She wiped her face again, sniffling. Kuwei opened his mouth and then closed it again. He frowned and hesitated before speaking. “Look, I know I only knew Matthias for a short period of time, but it was clear he deeply cared for you.”

Nina felt her eyes welling with fresh tears when Kuwei said Matthias’ name. Kuwei noticed and squeezed Nina’s shoulder.

“I think he would want this for you,” he settled on. “He’d _want_ you to be happy. Do you really think Matthias’ stubborn ass would be okay with you pining away but never doing anything about it because he’s holding you back?”

Nina chuckled sadly at that. She glanced over at Kuwei and saw he was frowning at her again. “I guess when you put it that way I sound kind of foolish.”

“You’re not foolish, Nina. You have every right to feel this way. I just don’t think it should stop you from finding love again,” he confessed.

Nina spoke as she fiddled with her hands. “I’m just scared he’s still here somehow, watching me, like he’s upset that I have feelings for someone else.”

“I think it would hurt him more to watch you never love again than watch you love someone else. I can promise you that. We’re made to love others. Our hearts are big enough to hold the love of all those we cherish, not just the love of one person,” Kuwei smiled, putting a hand over Nina’s.

“When did you get so wise?” Nina teased, wiping her eyes.

Kuwei pulled back and put a finger up to his chin, like he was deep in thought. “It might have been between when I got broken out of prison by a bunch of teenagers and when I tricked most of the world into thinking I was dead.”

Nina laughed, a loud, bright thing and Kuwei joined in, chuckling. She wiped her tears from laughing and knocked her shoulder against Kuwei’s.

“Never change, Inferni.”

“Wouldn’t even dream of it, Heartrender.”

They were startled by the school bell ringing out, signalling the end of classes.

Nina straightened up and looked around. “You didn’t have class right now, did you?” She asked frantically.

Kuwei snorted. “No, I had a free period so I was going to go to the library to read or something. _However_ ,” he paused, wiggling his eyebrows. “My lovely boyfriend did have class just now, so if you don’t mind I’m going to go see him.” He stood up and turned to Nina, concern back on his face. “You gonna be okay?” He asked.

“Yeah,” Nina smiled. “I’ll be fine.”

“Good,” he said, a smirk forming on his face. “Now go tell Hanne how you feel,” Kuwei quipped as he began walking away.

“What?” Nina squawked. “How did you know I was talking about her?”

Kuwei laughed as he got farther away. “Um, because I have  _eyes_.”

Nina shook her head and chuckled as she stood up, cracking her back. She cupped her hands and yelled, “Go get your boy, Kuwei!” which caused a few students to shoot her odd looks. She watched as he stopped walking and swiveled back towards her.

“No mourners,” Kuwei yelled, saluting her with two fingers.

“No funerals,” Nina called back and watched as he turned and ran towards the summoning rooms.

She smiled to herself and decided she was going to talk to Hanne. She made her back to the kitchen slowly, trying to arrange her thoughts. She knew that Matthias would want this for her, but there was still that ‘what if’ lingering in her head. What if he really didn’t want Nina to move on? What if he was still there, watching her find love again as it slowly crushed him?

When Nina reached the kitchen door she took a deep breath and opened it.

Hanne was sat at one of the few tables placed in the little room and she looked up from her book when Nina entered.

Nina felt her heart quickening.

“Hey, how was Kuwei?” Hanne asked, setting her book down and giving Nina her full attention.

Nina looked at the oven where the sweet scent of the baking cake was coming from. “Yeah, he’s, he’s good,” she nodded.

Hanne stood up and walked over to Nina, frowning. “Are you okay? You’re acting strange… Is there something up with Kuwei?” Her eyes widened suddenly. “Oh no, is there an attack on Ravka or something? Is something wrong with King Nikolai?”

“No! No, Hanne, everything’s fine,” Nina held up her hands to stop the other girl from continuing her freak out. “Really, everything’s okay.”

Hanne took a step back and crossed her arms. “Why are you acting weird then?”

“I… um,” Nina looked away and rubbed the back of her neck. “I need to talk to you about something.”

Hanne sat back down and gestured to the seat facing her. “Okay, let’s talk.”

Nodding, Nina sat down. She pursed her lips and looked everywhere but at Hanne. “So, when’s the cake done?”

“About fifteen minutes,” she informed her. “Now come on, stop stalling.”

“Right, well,” Nina paused. “I have… I have romantic feelings for someone,” she said meekly.

“Oh,” Hanne said as she sat up straighter. She waited for Nina to continue.

Nina fidgeted in her seat. She trusted Hanne with her life and she knew Hanne would be supportive, but talking about Matthias hurt. If they had crossed Fjerda together, surely Nina could tell her this. Slowly, she let her walls fall. “I had a significant other once, but he, uh, he died and Kuwei knew him so I thought he could help me deal with my feelings,” Nina choked out.

Hanne covered her mouth. “Oh, Nina, I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

Nina wanted to tell her that it was fine, that she was over it, but she didn’t want to lie. Not to Hanne, who meant so much to her.

“His name was Matthias,” Nina blurted out, eyes filling with tears. She didn’t know why she felt the need to tell Hanne his name. She just wanted her to know him. To know that Matthias was a good man, taken from the world too soon.

Hanne frowned and cocked her head. “Wait, I’m, I’m sorry, but Matthias? As in Matthias Helvar?”

Nina startled and wiped her cheeks. “Yes, that was him.” She leaned forward across the table. “Did you know him?”

“Yes, actually.” Hanne smiled as she recalled the memories she had of Matthias. “My father always invited him over to our house for dinner. It was obvious Matthias was his favorite soldier. My father was distraught when he thought he’d drowned in that storm. He always spoke so highly of him… Until, of course, he’d found out Matthias was very much alive and had broken into the Ice Court.” She paused and looked at Nina. “ _That_ was your Matthias?” Hanne gaped, her mouth slightly open as she gazed at Nina, amazed.

Nina laughed, a warm feeling in her rising as she thought of Matthias. “Hey, first off I helped him break in there! And secondly,” Nina paused, leaning in. “Matthias used to hang out at your house?”

If Hanne’s eyes could’ve widen even more, they would have at Nina’s words. “No, no, no, hold on, you’re telling me, you, Nina Zenik, broke into the _Ice Court_?”

“Well I did have some help from a few friends,” Nina smirked, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms.

Hanne cackled, throwing her head back. “I can’t believe you did that! Fjerda’s military was livid for _weeks_! Why did you never tell me?”

Nina’s smile dropped and she frowned. “I don’t really know. Matthias’ death kind of overshadowed all the good times I had back in Ketterdam. We won, but then we lost him and then I left as soon as I could for Fjerda to bury him. It all happened so fast.”

Hanne was silent for a moment, watching Nina. “What was he like? After, I mean,” she finally said.

After Fjerda. After he escaped all the bigotry he had been taught. After he was finally free to think for himself.

Nina smiled sadly. “He had a tough shell, but once someone weasled their way under he was protective and caring. You should’ve seen how much the Dregs cared for him towards the end, once we all finally learned how to get along. I’m pretty sure Wylan looked up to him a little bit, and I don’t just mean literally.”

Hanne fondly grinned as Nina rambled on about her old friends. “Nina, you know you haven’t told me who the Dregs are, right? Or whoever this Wylan person is,” Hanne pointed out, one eyebrow raised.

“I’ll tell you all about them one day,” Nina promised.

And she would. She would tell Hanne about her talented friend, Inej Ghafa, the best, friendliest sharpshooter, Jesper Fahey, the smart, little, Wylan Van Eck, the sly, cunning, Kaz Brekker, and the giant, warm hearted Matthias Helvar. Nina would tell her of Matthias’ wish, that she help the people of Fjerda see past what they’ve been taught. Nina would tell her about the Ice Court, Ketterdam, _jurda parem_ , all of it. But not right then. Right then was for her to begin healing the hole in her heart.

Hanne, as if sensing her mood changing, got up and moved her chair so she was side by side with Nina.“Is it hard for you to move on?” She quietly asked, leaning forward on her knees and looking up at Nina.

Nina nodded. “I talked to Kuwei about it, but I just feel like I’m cheating on Matthias or forgetting him or something.”

“Matthias and I both grew up believing that when we die we return to the water, we become part of this world. Of all the lies we had been told as a child, I like to think at least that one’s true.” Hanne sighed deeply before continuing. “I don’t think anyone is ever truly gone. They’re still around us, still alive in all those that remember them. They’re alive in our memories. He’s with you, Nina, but you can’t let that hold you back.”

Nina nodded, eyes welling up. “I loved him so much it just… It feels like I’m betraying him somehow by moving on.”

“I think he would have wanted you to. I bet Matthias loved you more than anything and I think he would understand that eventually you have to let go,” Hanne whispered.

 _Let yourself be loved_ , she could almost hear Matthias say, like all those times he spoke to her after he was gone, but it sounded more like her own voice now. Nina imagined what life would have been like if Matthias had lived. If she had still had her powers before _parem_ changed them. If she had just been _there_ when her whole world collapsed. Would they have grown apart through the years? Would she be happy? Would he be happy? Wouldn’t it be better than him being dead, at least knowing that he was alive, even if he was loving someone else?

Of course, Nina thought. Of course she’d rather have Matthias safe and alive and in love with someone else than buried six feet under.  
“It still hurts though,” Nina ground out.  
Hanne grasped Nina’s hands in her own. “I know. And it might always. But it will hurt more if you never move on. You know,” Hanne continued, “I felt that I would never be loved or love someone else because I'm… because I'm Grisha. My mother and father said it was unacceptable, some kind of curse, so I thought it was too, that it was something I had to hide. If you hadn’t come and gotten me out of there I might have never been happy. But you did come and you showed me all the good I have bottled up inside me and now some things don’t really seem impossible to me anymore,” she smiled smally at Nina.

Nina stared at Hanne, sweet, kind, fierce Hanne. How could her parents smother such a vibrant flame? She was all the stars in the sky wrapped into a beautiful girl just waiting to burn brightly. Nina wanted to tell her how much she deserved to be here. Not just in Ravka, but in the world. The world needed more people like Hanne and Matthias.

“You sound like the king,” Nina said instead.

Hanne chuckled quietly. “What’s his saying? When someone says impossible they usually mean improbable?”

“Honestly, he has so many sayings I can’t keep them all straight,” joked Nina.

“He should just paint them over the walls of the Little Palace so we can see them and be inspired every day,” she laughed back.

Nina smiled at her and Hanne shifted closer, their shoulders touching.

“Hey,” she whispered. “Next time you want to share some stories about Matthias, please do. You look so radiant talking about him.”

She was right, Nina realized as she felt herself blushing at Hanne’s word choice. Nina felt much lighter being able to talk about Matthias than keeping it all inside. There was still a cold ache deep in her, like how she felt after months in Fjerda, but it was overpowered by the happy memories she held of him.

“Thank you, Hanne. For everything.”

For letting her speak about Matthias. For trusting her. For following her all the way to Ravka. For all of it.

Hanne smiled, like she knew what Nina meant. “And thank you too, Nina, for seeing the good in me when no one else did.” Her eyes sparkled as she lowered her voice and said, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Nina had never asked if she would say in Ravka, if she would help fight for a country she’d never really known. She was afraid Hanne would tell her she had decided this life just wasn’t for her, but she had stayed and now she was telling Nina she was going to stay for as long as she could. Matthias had once promised the same thing and she now knew that a promise wasn’t a guarantee, but Nina felt like this one was. In that moment, she wanted to tell Hanne so much, everything in her heart and mind, but instead she just reclined into Hanne’s side, certain there would be a time to say everything she needed to.

“So,” Hanne said, breaking the silence. “Are you ever going to tell this person how you feel?” She asked, fidgeting with the sleeve of her red _kefta._  “I mean, obviously you never have to if you don’t want to-”

Nina reached forward and held Hanne’s hands, cutting her off. “Yeah, I will, some day, when I’m ready,” she decided. She had a hunch Hanne knew, but was giving her space.

“I have a feeling they’ll be ready when you are,” she smiled back, confirming Nina’s suspicion. She squeezed Nina’s hand lightly.

Nina squeezed it back, a warm feeling bubbling up in her chest.

Suddenly, Hanne gasped and jumped up. “The cake!” She exclaimed as she ran over to the oven and pulled out the charred cake. “Oh Saints,” she groaned as she buried her head in her hands.

In that moment Nina wished Matthias was there, not for all her selfish reasons, but because she wanted him to meet Hanne. She knew Matthias would have been proud of Hanne, to see her go through the same struggles he did and still come out of it with a heart of gold. Nina realized then that she could probably love Hanne, if she didn’t already. It was a similar feeling to loving Matthias, soft and dizzying, but also so different at the same time, like an old stirring inside her body with a hint of something unknown, something good.

She found that she quite liked it.

Nina stood and walked up next to Hanne, her whole body shaking as she giggled at the burnt food. Hanne’s frown slipped off her face as she joined in with Nina’s laughter. Nina dried her tears and beamed at Hanne, whose cheeks were flushed and eyes were bright. She still had a little flour on her face and Nina gently wiped it away.

 

They weren’t perfect, they were cracked and a little broken, but in the end Nina knew they’d be okay.

 

___________

 

That night Nina dreamed she was a bird, resting in a lone tree. She sat among the leaves, overlooking a green field dotted with flowers of every color. There were butterflies fluttering around and the grass swayed with the breeze. The sun was slowly rising in the sky, painting the world pink.

Suddenly, something was moving towards the tree, parting the meadow. Nina flew to the end of the branch to get a closer look.

A large, white wolf peered its head out of the grass. It seemed as if it was grinning at her.

 _Little red bird_ , the wolf whispered. _I want you to let go of me, for you have so much love to give and to receive._ The wolf leaned closer. _Do not waste this life_.

She flapped her wings and leaned down until she was inches from the wolf’s nose.

 _Barbarian,_  she chirped.

 _Witch,_  the wolf laughed back.

 

In her sleep, Nina Zenik sighed deeply and smiled, cuddling back into the body beside her.

**Author's Note:**

> I love Nina and Hanne so much and there are barely any fics for them so I had to write this. I just adore those funky little Grisha. Hope you liked it!


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